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"What's Your Worry Style" Series: "All-or-Nothing"

8/12/2016

Please note: This is the first of seven blogs in this "What's Your Worry Style" series. The goal of this series is to give you an overview of the variety of worry styles. Then once you know your worry style, you can ask yourself a series of questions that can challenge your thinking and work towards managing your worry habits.

This "All or Nothing" worry style is quite popular among those I work with in my practice. Simply put, this type of worrying views situations in extreme categories. For example, you may describe a project at work as either "perfect" or "horrible". In other words, folks tend to not see life in between the extremes.

Here are examples of this type of worrying:

Describing yourself as a complete "failure" for overlooking a task.
Making claims that the job market is "hopeless" when you are looking for employment.
If your car makes a subtle unusual sound you automatically assume it will cost lots of money

It is not unusual for this type of thinking to lead to other serious issues such as depression, anxiety or even panic attacks. The emotional and physical toll on the human body is endless.

What to do?

1. Identify your "Worry Trigger" (WT). In other words, what set you off? There are so many things or situations that can be a Trigger. Smell, taste, sound, touch, noise, other people, objects, conversations and much more. Try to write down in your journal what your triggers are. This will be helpful when it comes time to identify the trigger(s).

2. Identify the need behind the worry. According to Abraham Maslow, the creator of "Maslow Hierarchy of Needs", we have a variety of needs in order to survive as human beings. Such as a need for water, shelter, safety, companionship, sex, food, recognition and much more. It is important to make a list of your needs so that you know what are important to you and which ones are not being met. This will come in handy when you are ready to get your needs met.

3. Learn to appreciate the "in between" the extremes: In our coaching sessions, clients learn to re-frame their thinking. Instead of saying something like "I am horrible at math", they could re frame their thinking to "I could use some help with math".

4. Practice asking questions: When we worry, we often treat our thoughts as if they are facts. Remember you are not your thoughts and your thoughts do not always look out for your best interests. Below are samples of questions you could ask yourself when you are using this style:

What are you specifically predicting will happen?
What proof do you have about your prediction?
What is the evidence against your prediction?
Based on the facts you generated, what would you suggest to a friend in the same scenario?
What can you do about the situation now?
Is your worrying hurting or helping you?

These steps are samples of things you can do to manage this style of worrying. Based on what you have read what did you find most useful? What will you do differently based on what you just read? Would love to hear your comments about this posting.

Stay tune for more blog posts for this series.

Worry Less, Live More,

Tom

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Six Golden Questions to Ask When Worrying

8/12/2016

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When confronted with a situation that triggered your worry attack, consider the following questions:

1. What is the worst thing that can happen?

2. What is the likelihood that it would happen?

3. How can you cope if the worst thing happened?

4. What are at least two other outcomes to the situation?

5. What is the most likely outcome?

6. How often have you been correct in the past when you predicted worst case scenario?

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Can We Stop Worrying?

8/12/2016

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We suffer more from imagination than from reality.
-Seneca

Everyone worries, including me. But some of us worry all the time. Worrying is a mental activity. It happens mostly in one’s mind. It is a series of one thought after another.

For some, worrying uncontrollably can become a problem such as letting it take control of their lives. When we give control of our thoughts over to the mind, it can negatively impact our lives, jobs, relationships and even our health.

Humans are wired to worry. We cannot escape it. It helps us to survive, avoid harm or plan how to respond to a potential threat. In fact, worrying is the mind’s way of problem solving. We have been given the gift of imagination. With this gift, we have the ability to think of new ways to handle circumstances in our lives.

So you see, not all worrying is bad. While we may not be able to fully stop worrying, what we can do is understand why we do it and take control of how we chose to react to challenging situations.

So before we proceed, take a moment to take several deep breaths. Breathe deeply and hold your breath for about 10 seconds and then exhale as slowly as you can. Repeat this a few times.

The first thing we need to do is understand a few things about worry. There are two types of worrying: Productive and Non-Productive. There are situations we have control over and there are some we do not. Knowing the differences is crucial. So you need to ask yourself, is what you are worrying about productive and something you can solve?

The next thing we need to do is identify the need underneath the worry. You see, behind every worry is an unmet need. For example, when we feel threatened, we have a need to feel safe. Or perhaps when we see our bank account is low on cash, our immediate need might be financial stability or security. Once we identify the need, we gain a better understanding on how to address our concerns.

Once we discover that our worry is productive and have identified the unmet need, we are in a better position to tap into our intuition and imagination and find ways to solve our problem.

There are questions I usually ask myself when I am in a state of worry:

What wants to happen? Are there any opportunities in the situation?
Who are you going to be, one who takes charge or one who reacts?
What steps will you take to resolve the situation?

So as you leave this page, I hope you walk away with a newer sense of relief that not all worrying is bad. We are wired to worry. Worry is the body’s way to solve problems.

It is up to us to take a step back, take a deep breath and identify the unmet need behind the worry. Using questions, like the ones mentioned in this post, you will be well on your way to solving the problems at hand.

If you would like to worry less and live more, I encourage you to contact me.

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"What's Your Worry Style" Series: "All-or-Nothing"

Six Golden Questions to Ask When Worrying

Can We Stop Worrying?

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